


Weekend at the Smythes

by cre8iveovadose



Series: Second Chance [10]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Gen, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 01:27:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4857995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cre8iveovadose/pseuds/cre8iveovadose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick is supposed to be spending the weekend at Sebastian’s to keep an eye on him but the task becomes more difficult than he could have guessed. Not sure what to do, he calls on Blaine and Kurt for advice and together they get Sebastian through the weekend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Friday - Testing the Strong Ones

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Mention and description of self-harm, discussion of depression and suicide, swearing.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the lyrics used in this fic's chapter titles. They belong to Copeland, from their song "Testing the Strong Ones".

**Chapter 1: Friday – Testing the Strong Ones**

If Nick was honest with himself, he would admit that the idea of spending a weekend at Sebastian’s made him nervous. But he and the other Warblers had agreed it would be better to keep Sebastian company than let him screw up what had been a clean streak since he got out of the treatment facility. It has been three good months but the winter was taking its toll and the consensus had been to prevent rather than cure.

But much to his horror, when Nick arrived at Sebastian’s house, the front door was open and Sebastian was on the floor of his bathroom with a razorblade in hand. Nick had tackled Sebastian, the blade flying across the room and blood had gone everywhere. All over Sebastian, all over Nick, all over the floor. They looked like something from a horror movie and Sebastian couldn’t stop crying.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, Seb, I’m sorry, just hang on okay?” Nick jerked his head around before he swiped a towel off the rack and wrapped it around Sebastian’s arm. The wounds weren’t deep, just numerous. Holding the towel steady with one hand, Nick pulled out his phone and called Blaine with the other. Blaine would know how to help. Blaine would know what to do.

Ringing…

Ringing…

Ringing…

“Hey Nick, what’s up?”

“I really need some help here.”

“Is Sebastian okay?”

“N-No – look, there’s a lot of blood and he’s crying and I just don’t know what to do, okay? Can you please come and help me?”

“Okay, okay, take some deep breaths. Everything’s going to be fine. Keep pressure on the wounds and keep him calm. Try to clear it up with a cloth and some warm water if you can. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thank you, just – thank you.”

“No problem. I’ll see you soon.”

Nick shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked back to Sebastian. His friend was pale and covered in blood and tears. His head kept lolling from one side to the other as he cried, his breath hitching. His thin t-shirt was covered in blood, as were his sweatpants, and Nick just didn’t know what to do.

_Try to remember what Blaine said. Take deep breaths. Keep pressure on the wounds. Calm Seb down._

Nick breathed in and out several times, letting the air calm him before he checked the towel around Sebastian’s arm. He held it down with both hands before he shifted into Sebastian’s line of sight.

“Seb, I need you to look at me.”

Sebastian sniffled before he looked to Nick, blinking tears from his eyes. “Nick…”

“It’s okay, I’m right here, Seb. Everything’s going to be fine. I’ve called Blaine, he’s gonna come and help me clean you up.”

“Why?” Sebastian asked, leaning his head back against the bathroom cupboard he was leaning against.

“Because I don’t wanna mess this up. We don’t want you to get sick.”

“You aren’t gonna take me away?”

_Take him away? What does he- oh, right._

“No Seb, we’re not gonna take you anywhere.”

“That’s good,” Sebastian murmured as his eyes drifted closed.

“No, no, no – Seb, you’ve gotta stay awake for me! Wake up, Sebastian!”

The boy groaned but his eyes opened again and that was all Nick could ask for. He spent the rest of the time waiting for Blaine by singing to Sebastian – ‘Little Wonders’ by Rob Thomas, ‘Asleep’ by The Smiths. He was halfway through ‘Come What May’ from _Moulin Rouge_ when he heard Blaine call out from downstairs.

“We’re up here,” Nick called back before he turned to Sebastian again. There were heavy footsteps on the stairs before Blaine appeared in the doorway. He smiled sympathetically before he moved forward and knelt beside Sebastian and Nick.

“Nick, could you go get me a bowl with some warm water in it? And some disinfectant?” Blaine asked, knowing from the sight of his old classmate that Nick needed to get out of the room.

“Y-Yeah,” Nick answered, nodding before he stood and headed downstairs to the kitchen. He went to reach for the cupboard door but seeing the blood on his hands he turned to the sink instead. He ran the water, pumping some soap out of the dispenser at the edge of the sink and washed his hands. The enormity of what he was doing hit him like a brick wall. He was washing Sebastian Smythe’s blood off of his hands. He had found one of his friends cutting himself in the bathroom when he knew he had a friend coming over. He had to go back up there with a bowl of warm water and disinfectant.

Nick slipped down to the floor, curling up and holding his still bloody hands to his face as he cried. How was he ever going to get over this? How did you deal with something like this?

He heard the front door open and close in the background but he didn’t register someone calling his name until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Kurt kneeling beside him through his teary eyes.

“Nick, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Kurt asked. He pulled Nick’s hands away from his face, grimacing at the blood caked to his skin.

“W-Why would he do it? Why would he do this to himself? He knew I was coming! Did he not want to see me? Did he want to bleed out before I got here? Did he-” his words failed as his breath hitched and a new wave of tears hit him. He felt Kurt wrap him up in his arms and whisper in his ear but it was all too much.

“It’s not easy finding them like that,” Kurt murmured when Nick had calmed down. “I found Blaine like that once and it still scares me sometimes. I think it always will. I know that isn’t reassuring but after I’d found Blaine, he was horrified at himself and he stopped for a long time after that. Maybe it will be the same for Sebastian, once he realises what this does to the people around him.”

“He won’t,” Nick whimpered, shaking his head and sniffling. “He won’t, h-he doesn’t care about me. He won’t see it that I saved him, just that I’ve gotten in his way.”

“Then we need to make him see it the way we do,” Kurt said before he got to his feet. “How about we take the water up to Blaine and then get you cleaned up?”

Nick sniffled as he carefully got to his feet. “How did you know about the water?”

“Blaine said that he was going to send you down to get it. You were in there long enough.”

Nick nodded and watched as Kurt found a suitable bowl and filled it with warm water from the tap that Nick had left running. When they were back upstairs, Nick steered clear of the bathroom. He didn’t want to catch another glimpse of Sebastian’s bloody form. Being covered in his friend’s blood was hard enough. He didn’t want to see it again.

Kurt reappeared after muttering something to Blaine and took Nick down to Sebastian’s parents’ room where he helped the Warbler out of his bloodied clothes.

“I’ll wash these for you tonight, okay? Blaine and I will stay. I don’t think you should be alone with Sebastian.”

“Thank you,” Nick murmured. He didn’t feel ready to be alone with anyone – not even himself.

Nick dressed quickly in a fresh t-shirt and jeans before he and Kurt headed downstairs.

“Sebastian will be pretty tired and out of it tonight – did you two have plans or anything?” Kurt asked as he and Nick took up one of the couches.

“No, we were just gonna study and have pizza or something.”

“Okay, we can get the pizza. I guess you don’t feel much like studying now.”

Nick shook his head before he looked towards the empty fireplace. “Why do they do it? Relapse I mean.”

“Why do any addicts relapse? They miss their vices or they need to take the edge off something that’s happening in their life. Blaine was once in treatment with a girl who would relapse on purpose because she believed she needed to keep up an appearance.”

“That’s horrible…”

“Depression isn’t kind and self-harm just makes it worse. Sebastian’s caught in a vicious cycle and the sad thing is that he’ll either break it, or die trying.”

Nick gulped, uncomfortable. He looked up to the mantelpiece and saw a picture of Sebastian in his Dalton uniform with a broad grin on his face.

“They’re the best actors in the world,” Kurt murmured.

“Maybe that just means we need to be better.”

.

.

.

Sebastian sat on the edge of his bed in his underwear and watched as Blaine ferreted through his wardrobe. He held his bandaged arm against his stomach and tried to move his fingers but it only aggravated the pain. Looking down at himself, he realised that there was a time when he would have killed to be naked in front of Blaine Anderson. Now that he was, all he could think about was the boy downstairs who he had terrified beyond belief.

“You have a ‘Save Ferris’ t-shirt?” Blaine asked, laughing, when he returned to Sebastian’s side.

“Yeah, I loved ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ when I was younger. I haven’t worn it in forever”

“Well, time to change that,” Blaine said. “Arms up.”

Sebastian slowly moved his arm but the simple act of raising it made it throb. Wordlessly, Blaine slipped the t-shirt over the bandage and over Sebastian’s head and other arm. He helped Sebastian get his feet into his pyjama pants before letting him pull them up himself.

“I’m sorry about Sadie Hawkins,” Blaine murmured.

Sebastian sat back down on his bed and looked up at Blaine. “I know. You were drunk. It’s okay.”

“It’s not. You came to help me and I tried to take advantage of that.”

“I’m not angry, Blaine. It’s okay.”

Blaine nodded. “Good.”

Sebastian gestured to his pillow. “I’m kind of tired, Blaine. Do you mind?”

“No, no, of course not. I’ll bring up some dinner for you.”

“Nick wanted pizza,” Sebastian said as he lay down. “He likes pepperoni.”

Blaine smiled as he watched Sebastian close his eyes. “He likes you too.”

Sebastian didn’t respond but there was a small smile on his face. That was enough to reassure Blaine that everything was okay. At least on this floor of the Smythe house.


	2. Friday – There’s An Angel By Your Hospital Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Discussion of self-harm & depression

**Chapter 2: Friday – There’s An Angel By Your Hospital Bed**

Nick’s Friday evening was spent trying to keep himself distracted from what had happened that afternoon. Blaine had cleaned and wrapped Sebastian’s wounds and put him to bed. They had ordered pizza and before long, Nick found himself drifting off to sleep.

Kurt nudged him awake. “You don’t have to stay up, Nick. I won’t mind if you go to bed. You could do with some rest.”

“What if something happens during the night?” he asked, staring at the open pizza box on the table. He couldn’t let Kurt see the fear in his eyes. He couldn’t seem totally thrown by this.

“We can wake you. But a good night’s sleep will do you good. It’ll give your body and mind a chance to relax.”

Nick was just about to relent and head upstairs when Blaine came down, two empty plates in hand.

“How is he?” Nick asked as he and Kurt followed Blaine into the kitchen.

“Well, he ate and now he’s asleep – dead to the world.”

Nick went rigid and Kurt sent an indignant expression his boyfriend’s way.

“Sorry, sorry, bad choice of words,” Blaine sighed and leaned on the island bench. “He’s not as bad as we thought he was though, that’s the most reassurance we have. He’ll be sore and tired but if we keep him warm, hydrated and eating, he should be fine by the time his parents get back.”

“When are they due back?” Kurt asked, looking to Nick.

“Sunday night, they’ve gone to Pennsylvania to see his sister.”

“We’ll stay the weekend then,” Blaine murmured. “Just in case something does happen.”

“How high is the likelihood of something happening?” Nick asked.

“Not too high but we don’t know what Sebastian’s going to be like when he wakes up,” Blaine answered, shrugging. “I think tonight we should just be very thankful he could only get hold of a razor and not something sharper.”

Nick nodded. “Well, I’m going to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

“Night.”

“Night, we’ll wake you if anything happens,” Kurt said with a smile before Nick headed upstairs.

When Kurt was sure he was out of earshot, he turned to Blaine. “I’m more worried about Nick right now.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think? He came to his best friend’s house to find him-” Kurt shuddered. “You know how Sebastian was. Nick’s freaking out. He’s not ready to deal with this.”

“Then his and Sebastian’s relationship is going to get a lot more complicated.”

Kurt frowned. “Why?”

“I think Seb likes him. I think they like each other. And this would be a very good reason for it to stop.” Kurt didn’t miss the twist of fear in Blaine’s eyes when he looked down at his hands.

Kurt reached over and held Blaine’s hand. “Well, it didn’t stop us. Hopefully it won’t stop them either.”

.

.

.

Nick’s dreams were fuzzy and red. There was ringing in his ears and vivid images of various ways he could die. He never saw Sebastian or Blaine or Kurt. He thought he was alone but then he heard voices calling his name, calling him to a cliff edge. He didn’t mean to jump and he never hit the ground. He reappeared in a white room, the only other colour the blood that was running down between his fingers.

_“Nick!”_

Can’t talk.

_“Nick, wake up!”_

Leave me alone.

“Nick, wake up!”

He woke in a cold sweat, beads of liquid across his forehead and down his back. He forced himself up and gulped in breath. He felt hands on his face before Nick found Blaine’s eyes and collapsed into his arms.

“Woah, woah – what happened? What’s wrong?”

“I-I died and then I died again – there was a cliff, and I fell but then I was bleeding-” Nick gulped in more breath and shook his head. “I don’t know how to deal with this, Blaine – _how am I supposed to deal with this_?”

“With a great amount of difficulty and a great amount of love,” Blaine answered, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. He watched Nick’s frantic breathing and spoke slowly. “It’s not going to be easy… You’re gonna hate Sebastian for a while, because you can’t understand why he does it. He’ll try to get better, to stop for you, but it’ll just make him worse. But then one day you’ll just realise that hating him won’t help either of you. You’ll start to be more comfortable around one another and you’ll just take things in stride.”

“How do you know that’ll happen though?”

“Because I know you and Sebastian well enough to know that you won’t let this ruin your friendship. Not anymore.”

Nick swallowed and nodded, looking away. He was in the Smythes’ guest room and everything just had an alien feel to it. Part of him wanted to go home but the rest knew he needed to stay. For Sebastian’s sake.

“I came in to tell you that he’s awake. He asked if he could see you,” Blaine murmured, watching Nick closely. Kurt had been right to worry. There was something not quite right in the boy’s brown eyes.

“Y-Yeah, I’ll come see him,” Nick replied, running a hand through his mess of hair. He got out of bed and followed Blaine to Sebastian’s room where Kurt was standing by the bed, arms folded across his chest.

“Is everything okay?” Blaine asked, not wanting Kurt and Sebastian to get into a fight in front of Nick.

“Everything’s fine,” Kurt said. “Just had a chat with the criminal chipmunk.”

Sebastian simply rolled his eyes before he looked to Nick, managing a smile.

“We’ll leave you two be,” Blaine said before he pulled Kurt from the room. Nick listened as they headed back downstairs before he turned to Sebastian.

“Kurt was just telling me that you were pretty upset when you found me,” Sebastian said.

“I had the right to be,” Nick replied, arms folded in defence. “Am I supposed to suspect that I’ll find you bleeding in the bathroom whenever I come over? Am I supposed to clean you up and put you to bed and wait for your red blood cells to replenish? What if one day I can’t save you? What if one day there’s nothing I can do and you die and I have to deal with that for the rest of my life? I thought you were trying to get better.”

“It’s not that simple, not for me-”

“And it is for me?!” Nick couldn’t help but yell and he knew there was no stopping him now. “I washed your _blood_ off my hands tonight, Seb! I feel like I’m going insane because the guy I care about most in the entire world is hell bent on destroying himself and taking everyone else down with him!”

“Nick, I-”

“I love you, Sebastian,” Nick said. It felt sour on his tongue and that wasn’t how he wanted this first thing to be. Every first they had, Sebastian was covered in cuts. “I want to believe that you love me too but I’m finding that really freakin’ difficult when you keep doing this to yourself.”

“What do you want me to do?” Sebastian asked. The annoyance in his voice was shining through, aided by the steeled look in his eyes.

“I don’t want you to do anything – I want _you_ to want it.” Nick caught his lip between his teeth and watched Sebastian sadly. “I don’t know how to deal with this Sebastian. I really just don’t know what to do.”

Sebastian pushed himself up, the white bandages stark against his black bedsheets. He pulled the sheet over his arm but didn’t look back at Nick. “I do try. I didn’t want to keep going like this. I wanted this to be good and easy.”

“Nothing worth it is easy,” Nick whispered.

“I know,” Sebastian looked up. “Can you trust that I’ll try? I want to be with you, Nick. That’s why I’ve been clean since Christmas. I love you too. And I swear that I’m trying. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Nick’s gaze softened and he nodded in understanding. Sebastian wriggled across the bed, patting the mattress beside him. Nick felt the tears well in his eyes as he moved to lie beside him.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian whispered, repeatedly, and pressed kisses to the top of Nick’s head as his good hand rubbed soothing circles into his back.

Nick nodded against Sebastian’s chest. “I guess we’re together then.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Yes, I want this.”

Sebastian smiled into Nick’s hair before he leaned back into his pillow. As Nick fell asleep against him, Kurt’s words replayed through his head.

“ _You hurt this boy and I’ll track you down and skin you. He needs to see that you love him. He is scared as all sweet hell and you owe it to him to make this better. Now._ ”

Sebastian looked down at Nick again and kissed the boy’s temple. It was going to get better.


	3. Saturday - Scarring the Beautiful Ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Self-harm.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the song lyrics referenced in this fic.

**Chapter 3: Saturday – Scarring the Beautiful Ones**

Nick hadn’t wanted to get up that morning but Kurt and Blaine had roused both him and Sebastian and taken them downstairs for a breakfast of pancakes drowning in maple syrup, crispy bacon and fluffy scrambled eggs. Their friends babbled about ideas for the day’s activities but Nick and Sebastian remained silent, holding hands beneath the table.

“Would you two feel up to going for a walk?” Kurt asked. Nick was getting annoyed that he was being treated like a psych patient but he took a deep breath and looked to Sebastian.

“Not this morning, maybe later. How about movies this morning?” Sebastian suggested.

“Sure,” Blaine answered with a smile as he scooped more eggs into his mouth.

“I might skip the first one and shower,” Nick said as he set his knife and fork down.

“But you’ll miss the swash-buckling goodness of _Pirates of the Caribbean_!” Sebastian laughed as he watched Nick rise. Losing contact with his boyfriend actually brought back the sinking feeling in his chest but he didn’t let it show on his face.

“I’m sure it’s the same as last time,” Nick replied, quickly kissing Sebastian. He didn’t miss the excited look passed between Kurt and Blaine before he jogged upstairs. He briefly considered using Sebastian’s parents’ bathroom but he knew he would have to face his fear eventually. After grabbing his shaving kit and a fresh set of clothes, he ducked into the bathroom.

Blaine had meticulously cleaned the tiles, cupboard and sink. No one would be able to guess what had happened in here the night before. Nick’s eyes travelled to the empty space between the shower and cupboard where he knew the razor had fallen but it was gone. If it weren’t for the boy sitting downstairs with bandages around his arms, you would never know blood had ever touched these surfaces.

Nick stood under the stream of the shower for a long time. The hot water soothed his aching muscles but it didn’t quiet his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking of all the scenarios that could result in his or Sebastian’s death. His nightmares had continued in Sebastian’s bed and waking up to Kurt’s surprised gasp hadn’t helped. The gasp had turned into a smile and a rush back to Blaine with good news but everything put Nick on edge.

It was a good half hour before he emerged from his steamy hideaway. He towelled off his hair and face before looking at himself in the mirror as he secured the towel around his waist. He was pale and had bags under his eyes. He could see the scars of childhood across his body as vividly as the scar from when he’d had his appendix removed last year. Would it always be like this now?

Shaking the thoughts from his mind, he got dressed, combed his hair and went to shave the thin, patchy coating of scruff that adorned his chin. He found his razor but it didn’t reach his face.

The first cut made him go cold. It was like ice had been injected into his veins. His skin prickled and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Two thin red lines bloomed on the inside of his wrist and started to burn as his immune defences jumped into action. He tried again and it hurt more, forcing a gasp from him. He hissed through clenched teeth and made another incision before turning his arm over, looking to the skin above the joint of his elbow.

_Seb said once that it bleeds more. Wonder if it hurts more too…_

The blade was hovering over the skin and just as Nick applied the pressure, someone knocked on the bathroom door and his hand jerked in surprise. The cut was deeper and longer than he’d anticipated and it hurt like hell. He swore loudly as he dropped the razor into the sink and clamped his hand over the wound but the blood was slipping through his fingers and running down his arm. The door opened and he wished he’d locked it as Blaine’s expression turned horrified.

“Nick, no! No, no, no!” Blaine rushed forward, swiping a cloth off the countertop. He yanked Nick’s hand away and jammed the cloth around the wound above his elbow. “What happened, Nick? Is this the only one?”

He could only shake his head, frustration clouding his mind as Blaine pushed him back towards the bathtub and forced him to sit. He carefully pulled the cloth away to inspect the wound only to have more blood spring from the wound. He looked down further and found the other three in his wrist but they weren’t nearly as bad.

“Can you talk to me, Nick?” Blaine asked.

“I just don’t understand… This doesn’t feel good. Why would it ever feel good?”

“When you’ve been numb for so long, even pain will feel good,” Blaine murmured. He took the cloth away and held it under the water, watching as the blood ran out before he gave it a squeeze and held it back against the wound. Nick whimpered as it stung but the water cooled the burning and he leaned back slightly, watching as Blaine cleared up his blood.

There was the hammering of feet running up the stairs before Kurt appeared in the doorway. His brow knitted together when he saw Nick.

“Do you need me to get anything, Blaine?”

“Just some bandages, I left the disinfectant in here last night,” Blaine answered, concentrating on cleaning up Nick’s arm.

“I’ll run to the store and get some,” Kurt answered. “Do you want me to take Sebastian with me?”

“No!” Nick answered before Blaine could. “I-I wanna see him, I need him-”

“We don’t wanna trigger him, Nick,” Kurt murmured.

“When we’ve got you cleaned up, maybe,” Blaine added. “I’m feeling triggered and I haven’t cut since last winter.”

“Do you want me to take over?” Kurt asked but without waiting for an answer, he stepped forward and took the cloth from Blaine.

“I’ll take Sebastian and grab some more bandages,” Blaine said as he stood and headed back downstairs.

“Are you in much pain?” Kurt asked Nick.

“Not really,” Nick replied. “I just don’t understand it.”

“It’s not easy to understand. I don’t think Sebastian and Blaine really get it either. But this isn’t going to help anyone. The best thing we can do is love them as unconditionally as possible.”

“I don’t know if I can…”

Kurt looked up to meet Nick’s eyes. “You can. We find strength and love in the hardest times as well as the best. It won’t be easy, I think you understand that much, but you and Sebastian will make it.”

Nick nodded and watched as more of his blood was wiped away.

.

.

.

“But why did he do it?” Sebastian demanded for the fifth time. He was unable to comprehend how Blaine could be so calm. He wouldn’t be calm if Kurt had ‘tried to understand’. They had been arguing back and forth over the issue since they’d left the house and they were now on their way home.

“He’s upset, okay? He doesn’t know how to cope with all of this, Seb.”

“And cutting himself is going to make it better?”

“Hypocritical much?”

“Says you!”

“Look, I don’t know what he was thinking or why he did it. The point is that he’s done it and that we need to make sure he doesn’t try it again.”

“And how are we exactly going to convince him to stop? In case you hadn’t noticed, neither of us have the greatest track record.”

Blaine didn’t respond for a long time. “Remember that Lenny Kravitz song you guys sang last year at Regionals?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“One of the lines was something like ‘You have the power to face your demons’. Maybe you and Nick should work on that together.”

“Okay, that is both cryptic and rude.”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Do you want my help or not? Because Kurt and I will quite happily go home and enjoy the rest of his first weekend in Ohio since Christmas.”

Sebastian bit his lip. He hated to admit it, but he needed Blaine’s help. He didn’t trust himself to be alone and if he was honest, he knew that having the other boys there was making it easier on Nick. Kind of.

“Sorry…” he murmured as they pulled into the driveway.

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have gotten angry,” Blaine replied as he killed the engine and leaned back in his seat. “I just never thought senior year would be like this, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Sebastian said as he looked up to the house. “We should get this stuff up to them. Kurt’s probably getting sick of keeping pressure on the wounds.”

“Yeah,” Blaine agreed before they got out of the car and headed inside. Sebastian went upstairs, knocking on the open bathroom door as he stepped into view.

“Bandages and disinfectant,” he said as Kurt took the bag. Sebastian swallowed, watching Nick as his boyfriend watched Kurt carefully winding the bandage around his arm.

“It isn’t too bad, just need to keep an eye on it,” Kurt said, not looking up.

“That’s the best news we could hope for, I guess,” Sebastian murmured as he stepped forward and around Kurt to bob down beside Nick, balancing on the balls of his feet. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Nick whispered. His voice was hollow and strained. He looked pale and tired. Sebastian wondered if this was what he looked like sometimes. He didn’t like it on Nick though and he felt his heart pound in his chest.

Kurt tucked in the end of the bandage around Nick’s elbow and leaned back. “There we go. Now how about we go back downstairs and have some lunch and finish that movie we started this morning?”

Nick nodded stiffly, letting Sebastian and Kurt help him to his feet. Kurt disappeared down the hall while Sebastian watched his boyfriend.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Sebastian murmured.

Nick finally looked to him, eyes ringed with red. “It’s not your fault,” he whispered, reaching for Sebastian’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “I was being stupid.”

“No,” Sebastian said as he shook his head and cupped Nick’s cheek. “You were hurting. And you don’t have to apologise for hurting.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Nick whispered, not realising the full absurdity of the statement.

“I should be the one saying that, babe,” Sebastian said before he pressed a kiss to Nick’s lips.

He wasn’t going to let this happen again.


	4. Saturday – I’ve Gotta Bust You Outta Here Somehow

**Chapter 4: Saturday – I’ve Gotta Bust You Outta Here Somehow**

Blaine and Kurt had gone to bed early, leaving Sebastian and Nick alone on the floor in front of the unlit fireplace. The boys lay on their sides, watching the other with soft smiles. It was times like this that made Nick happy. Things were not perfect but right now, as Nick stared into Sebastian’s grey blue eyes, he knew they could be.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Nick murmured, breaking the comfortable silence.

“I hope so,” Sebastian replied with a cheeky grin. “Otherwise this’d be pretty awkward.” He scooted over and draped an arm about Nick’s waist, tangled his other hand in the boy’s hair and kissed him.

Nick smiled into the kiss as he smoothed a hand down Sebastian’s side, making his boyfriend shiver and giggle. It also made him happy knowing that he was the only one who got to be like this with Sebastian. No one else knew the way his eyes shined when he looked at Nick. No one else knew how he sounded in the early morning right after he’d woken up. No one else got to see the love drunk expression on his face after they kissed.

“Will you stay with me? Will you stay after all I’ve put you through?” Sebastian whispered. His eyes were closed but his brow was knitted together with worry. It almost felt as if he was dying and this was his last moment.

Nick ran his fingers through Sebastian’s greasy hair. “I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together now, okay?” Nick kissed him again. “We’re going to get through this.”

Sebastian’s eyes fluttered open again and he smiled. Their lips met again and this time neither pulled away. Sebastian hooked a leg over Nick’s and pulled their bodies flush together. They pawed at each other before Sebastian slipped his hand beneath Nick’s shirt, chuckling at the surprised gasp that came from his mouth.

“You are so endearing,” Sebastian whispered as he smoothed his thumb over Nick’s soft belly.

“You’re just maddening,” Nick gasped as Sebastian’s hand moved further up, splaying across his chest before Sebastian kneeled and pulled Nick’s shirt over his head. Nick sat up and peeled Sebastian’s shirt away, taking in the sight that greeted him. He lazily trailed his fingers over the muscles and soft flesh. He’d forgotten how athletic Sebastian was. It had been so long since he had managed to make it onto the field with the rest of the lacrosse team.

Nick moved to kneel as well and glanced to the bandages around Sebastian’s arm, taking his boyfriend’s hand and lifting it to his rest on his hip. He moved his own bandaged arm to mirror Sebastian before he reached to grip Sebastian’s neck with his free hand and kissed him deeply. This was love, this was completion, this was bliss.

“I love you so much, Nick,” Sebastian whispered against his lips. “I can’t believe I have you in my life.”

“I can’t believe it either,” Nick replied, letting his eyes drift closed as their foreheads rested together.

“Do you wanna go upstairs?” Sebastian’s voice was low, almost husky, and Nick felt his heart rate rise.

“I – uh – maybe – I mean-”

Sebastian smiled and shook his head. “Sleep, Nick, for sleep. Because it’s past midnight and you’ve had a long day,” he clarified as he draped his hands around the other boy’s waist. Nick visibly relaxed and Sebastian chuckled again. “So endearing…”

“I just – I’m not – not yet,” Nick shook his hand and cast his eyes down to the floor. Sebastian reached forward and tipped his head back up.

“I don’t expect anything from you, okay? I never have. Besides, do we really wanna do it with Blaine and Kurt here?”

“No, I guess not. But they’ve been so good to us this weekend. We really were pretty horrible to them last year.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian breathed as he sat back against the couch.

“What was it like for you when Blaine jumped in front of that slushie?” Nick asked, sitting beside his boyfriend and twining their hands together.

“Sickening. I really did like him. And then he was lying there screaming in pain… That wasn’t a good night, that one,” Sebastian murmured, looking to Nick pointedly. “Then when Karofsky tried to kill himself, I just knew that I had to make stuff better. My therapist had been suggesting for ages that I was angry and taking my anger out on other people – I finally agreed with him. I think that shocked him a bit.”

Nick smiled before he patted Sebastian’s knee and got to his feet. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” He reached down and helped Sebastian up. They grabbed their shirts before heading upstairs and collapsing into Sebastian’s bed. They didn’t need to explain that they didn’t want to be alone tonight.

Facing each other, Nick watched as Sebastian’s eyes moved over his neck and shoulder and down to his bandaged arm. He reached out a finger and grazed it over the material.

“I never wanted this to happen. For you to find me like that. I’m sorry.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

Looking back at Nick, Sebastian’s green eyes brimmed with tears. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again. I don’t know how to stop it.”

Nick shuffled closer and held onto Sebastian as he began to cry. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it all out.”

“I’m sorry I ruined our weekend.”

“You didn’t,” Nick whispered. “We’re together now. We got that out of this weekend. That can be enough.”

“You deserve more than enough.”

“I deserve what makes me happy and that’s you. You make me happy, Seb. Warts and all.”

Sebastian laughed and sniffed, craning his neck to look up at Nick. “Warts and all? That’s the analogy you’re choosing?”

“I’m choosing you,” Nick said before he kissed Sebastian’s forehead. “We’re in this together.”

Still chuckling, Sebastian snuggled into Nick’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	5. Sunday - Holding the Loved Ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of self-harm and discussion of suicide.

**Chapter 5: Sunday – Holding the Loved Ones**

In the morning, as they sat around another extravagant breakfast, Sebastian leaned forward and looked to Kurt and Blaine.

“While I’m very thankful for everything you two have done this weekend, there is one more thing I need to ask you,” Sebastian said.

“Sure, what is it?” Blaine asked, shovelling bacon into his mouth.

“The Warblers don’t know about Nick. We haven’t wanted to tell them. We figured they’d been dealing with so much news from me this year and we didn’t want to pile anything else on them.”

“And I’m not really ready to let anyone know,” Nick said. “They probably already do know - we all knew about your feelings for Kurt long before you told us but-” Nick shrugged.

“That’s fine,” Kurt said, shaking his head. “We don’t out people and we were going to ask what the situation was anyway. If you don’t want us to say anything, we won’t.”

“Thank you,” Sebastian murmured.

“What time are your parents getting back?” Blaine asked.

“They were driving home. I’d guess between seven and eight tonight.”

“Do we need to clean up before they get here?”

“We need to make sure there’s no bloody towels or clothes around and that any take-out boxes are in the trash but that’s about it.”

“And we should probably not be here,” Kurt said. “We don’t want them thinking you had a party while they were gone.”

“Uh, yeah, that might be a good idea, sorry,” Sebastian smiled sheepishly. “But thank you so much for staying and for looking after us and making sure I didn’t do anything stupid.”

“Anytime, okay? I made that clear the night I drove you to the hospital,” Blaine replied, leaning over and holding Sebastian’s hand gently. “We’ll be here for you.”

“Thanks Blaine,” Sebastian said with a nod before he looked up at the clock that read eleven thirty. “I might go have a shower.”

“Do you need help with the bandages?” Blaine asked as he sipped at his coffee.

“No, I’ll be fine,” Sebastian said with a nod before he stood, pecking Nick on the cheek and heading upstairs. Meanwhile, Nick leaned closer to Blaine and Kurt.

“Help with the bandages?”

“It can be pretty painful taking the bandages off. Especially with lots of cuts like Seb’s got,” Blaine explained, his voice low.

“One day,” Kurt said, “when I knew Blaine had relapsed, I heard him crying in the bathroom trying to take the bandages off. You’re not meant to take the bandages off until the wounds have healed but you can’t always tell unless you take them off.”

“There are no blades up there, right?”

Blaine shook his head. “I cleared them all out. Most of them were blunt and covered in his blood anyway,” he answered with a grim acceptance.

“Is there anything else I should know? To help him?” Nick asked as he returned to pushing food around his plate. The idea that he’d have to leave Sebastian tonight scared him. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to get to school in the morning only to find out that Sebastian had died during the night or ended up back in hospital.

“Just be there to pick up his calls. Don’t push him to talk but listen when he does, no matter what he says,” Kurt shrugged his shoulder.

“What if he says something … foreshadowing?”

“Like threatens to kill himself or something?” Kurt asked. At Nick’s shy nod, he looked to Blaine. “You’d better field this one.”

“Suicide isn’t an easy thing to talk about,” Blaine said. “Everyone says to deal with it in different ways. It really depends on the person. Sebastian’s proud so I don’t think he’d let anyone know he was suffering unless he absolutely had to. If I was you and he said something that sounded like suicide to me, I’d ask him about it. If he said he wasn’t and I was still worried, I’d talk to his parents and ask them to get in touch with the therapist.”

“Okay,” Nick murmured. It was a lot to take in.

“Nick, our offer’s open to you as well,” Blaine continued. “If you ever need to talk or you need to see us, call us.”

“Thank you,” Nick said with a smile before he stood. “I’m gonna go get dressed.”

“We’ll do the dishes and I’ll check the towels and stuff that we washed the other night,” Kurt answered.

Upstairs, Nick changed out of his pyjamas and pulled on a hoodie, the sleeve dragging over the bandage. He ducked his head to look in the mirror, smoothing out his hair before he froze at the sound of frustrated snarls. He looked out across the corridor to the closed bathroom door before he approached and knocked quietly.

“Seb, everything okay?”

“I can’t – gah!” At the exasperated cry, Nick opened the door and frowned at the sight of Sebastian sitting on the floor with a half unwound bandage clutched in his fist. Nick moved to sit with him, carefully taking Sebastian’s hand and the bandage.

“Do you want me to help you?” Nick asked.

Sebastian sniffed and nodded.

“On or off?”

“O-On,” Sebastian murmured.

“That’s okay. Tell me if I do it up too tightly,” Nick murmured as he rewound the bandage. Some of the wounds were oozing and he wiped it away with a cloth off the counter but soon it was done and the pair sat in silence on the floor.

“I wish it wasn’t like this,” Sebastian whispered after a while.

“It’ll be okay.”

“How do you know that? You keep saying that, and Blaine, and Kurt. But how do you know?”

“Because you have people who love you,” Nick said. “People who are willing to listen to you, and who are willing to come find you at three in the morning to make sure you’re okay. We’ll help you get through this, Sebastian. Because we love you, and we’re going to keep telling you that until you know it’s true and it haunts your dreams.”

Sebastian smiled, nodding before he turned to Nick and kissed him gently. Someone clearing their throat forced them apart and they looked up at Kurt where he stood in the doorway.

“I’ve got Nick’s clothes, where do you want them?”

“Just chuck them on the duffel bag in Seb’s room.”

“Okay. Giving up on the shower?”

“Yeah, still too tender,” Sebastian answered.

“Fair enough. Blaine and I have done the dishes and taken out the trash. He’s folding up the towels and putting another load of laundry on now if you two have anything to add. Then we’re gonna head home. I need to be at the airport soon to head back to New York.”

“I’ve got some clothes,” Sebastian answered as he slowly got to his feet. “I’ll grab them and take them down.”

“Take this too, Seb,” Nick said quickly, handing him the blood flecked cloth.

Kurt watched Sebastian head down the hallway before he looked to Nick. “Is he alright?”

“Yeah, taking off the bandages was frustrating him. I heard him while I was getting changed.”

“He’s so domestic around you. It’s like he’s completely different from when I first met him. I expected snarky comments and glares all weekend and I haven’t seen any of it.”

“He changed after what happened to Karofsky. And since he started opening up to Blaine and me and the other Warblers, I think he’s just tried to keep his head low. To not make it seem like something’s wrong.”

“Well, if I’m honest with you, I have to say that you are handling this really well, Nick.”

“You think so?”

Kurt nodded, smiling slightly before he drew the younger boy into a hug. “You take care of yourself, alright?”

“I will. You too.”

Kurt pulled away before the pair headed downstairs. Sebastian and Nick waved Kurt and Blaine off before they headed inside. They sat on the couch in the living room, watching each other as they had so much in the last few days.

“Do you want me to stay until they get back?” Nick asked.

“You can if you want. If you need to go home that’s okay,” Sebastian murmured.

“I’d rather stay,” Nick admitted.

“Because you think I’ll cut myself again?”

“Because I’d rather be with my hot, athletic, singing boyfriend than my parents and three siblings.”

“Nicholas Duval, you know how to make a man blush.”

Nick laughed for what felt like the first time in weeks. “No, I just love you.”

Sebastian shuffled over and wrapped his arms around Nick’s shoulders. “Thank you for looking after me this weekend.”

“Thank you for looking after me,” Nick answered before he turned and sealed it with a kiss. Things were not perfect, but they were enough.


End file.
